Growing up, I always considered myself intelligent. I never questioned my ability to learn pretty much anything I wanted to learn. I did well in high school without half trying. I went to a top college and was not as successful as I should have been, but that was my own fault, not lack of ability (sorry mom and dad). I went to one of the top schools in my field for my Masters degree, where I succeeded without trying particularly hard. When I entered the “real world”, I had confidence in myself that I would do well and be successful. And I was.
Fast forward 8 years. Becoming a stay at home mom has shaken some of that confidence. I no longer have bonuses and annual evaluations and promotions that show me that I’m doing well. There are many measures of successful parenting. By some measures, I’m an awesome mom. By others, well, I suck. The final “evaluation” won’t happen for years to come. I have to reach deep inside myself to find the “smart girl” I once was. I have to rediscover that internal confidence, especially now that I am beginning to think about what direction to head in once Shoo goes to kindergarten.
What does this have to do with running? I’ve found that I don’t have that internal confidence when it comes to running. My confidence in my running completely hinges on my last run or at least my last few runs. Last week, I was having awesome runs, hitting goal paces, feeling great. This week? Not so much. I’ve now had three not very good runs in a row. My legs were still tired today, even after a day of complete rest. I hit my goal pace, but I worked hard to get there. All I could think when I was running was “if I can barely finish 6 miles, how do I plan to finish 26.2?”
Why is it, that when it comes to running, I’m only as good as my last run?
14 thoughts on “Confidence”
I think we all do this with running. The most recent runs are the ones foremost in our minds, and it's hard not to let your most recent performance dictate how you feel about all runs. You've done 26.2 before, and can do well in it again – trust in your training to come and the process (and race day endorphins) 🙂
I had a really long answer for you, but I think I'll post it on my blog instead. Now you have something to look forward to.
I feel the same way sometimes. Knowing how badly my last run(s) were really makes it hard to get out there again. Last week I had a hard time but this week, I'm just trying to keep positive all day, find a buddy if I can, and grab some good tunes. Good luck and get back out there. It'll get better.
You can run 26.2, you've already done it. I don't have any great advice as I think we all go through this. You're out there running, you're not giving up even though you are going through a hard spell. You are a winner.
Oh yeah, I know what you mean! You just have to hope and pray that on race day you body and mind are one and you have a fabulous running day. A lot of times, I find that if my mind knows I am running x miles, then my body only does that many.
I agree with RunningLaur… we all do this with running.
wow, good post! It speaks volumes for how we moms internallize everything and are so critical of ourselves. Running has its cycles, you're in a lull, but it'll come back…maybe stronger than ever!
not sure what it's all about, but very familiar. i think many of us do this.good news is that you'll have more good runs and teh confidence will return!
I think we all fall into this trap sometimes. My coach gave us some really good advice last year – "You're not only as good as your latest run – you're as good as your BEST run." Remember that!
Ha ha, we all do this with running. I've been struggling with my workouts these past few weeks no longer able to keep at teh front of the pack and thinking, I'm slow. How will I ever run a marathon? It happens to all of us. You just have to work on building that inner cheerleader!
We all feel like that at times. It is just part of the process. You can run 26.2! You have already proven that to yourself! You are awesome!
Like everyone else said, I think nearly everyone feels this way about their running.As for the SAHM confidence, I think women are way more critical of themselves in the role of parent than men are. Maybe because we're somewhat competitve and judgemental of each other while men refrain from that (in that area)? I'm not sure why, but I do know that you're a good mom and as long as neither Jones nor Shoo ends up with a semi-automatic weapon atop a tower, I think you've done well 😉
It's hard, but I always try to think of running in terms of years rather than days, weeks, or even months. Running is never constant , other than constantly changing. It is what makes it interesting, but also challenging and sometimes darn right frustrating. One thing I do know, as you stick it out, you will build that confidence. It's the same one that got you through MCM. You will do it!
Just take it one day at a time. Each day will help the next. You have done 26.2 before and you can do it again.