As I mentioned in my “cherry on top” award, I wouldn’t really change much about my life experiences because everything that happened led me to where I am today. And today is a pretty good place.
What I’d really like to do though, is go back and give some words of wisdom to the new mom that I became nearly nine years ago. Because she really needed to know that “today” would come.
As a new mom, I suffered from postpartum depression (PPD). Comparatively speaking, my case was pretty mild and running eventually pulled me out of it. I consider myself very lucky in that regard. Anyways, I spent the better part of the first months of Jones’ life sitting on the couch crying. I was exhausted (he was a poor sleeper). I was worn out (he nursed pretty much constantly.) I was stressed out (we were trying to figure out his food allergies.) I spent a lot of that time sitting in a semi-dark room feeling sorry for myself. I was convinced I’d never have time to run again and that I’d never get to go out and do fun things. Life was over. The rest of my life was just going to be dealing with this child with constant needs. Even after I began to recover, a night where Beer Geek had to work late or, even worse, had to travel for work would set me back.
A couple of nights ago, Beer Geek had a meeting after work, so I was alone with the boys from 1:00 until bedtime (plus I’d had Shoo for most of the morning.) And it was no big deal. My incredibly dependent baby has grown into a reasonably mature almost nine year old. He did his homework the minute he came home from school. He made his own sandwich for lunch the next day. He read a book. He played with his legos. He gave himself a bath. Even my almost five year old gave himself his own bath. Yes, there was some Wii, but in reasonable amounts. It wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns, but I was able to make dinner, water the outside plants, clean up the kitchen. Heck, I even got a little bit of work done.
If I could go back, I’d tell my new mom self that it really wasn’t the end of the world. That even the most dependent babies (who am I kidding, he was an incredibly dependent toddler and preschooler and kindergartner…) eventually do give you breathing space and start doing things for themselves. That I would eventually get to run again (and that I’d even manage a couple of marathons.) That eventually my world would be bigger than my living room (and that it would happen sooner rather than later.)
I’m not sure if knowing how fast the time would fly would have made a huge difference in my PPD, but maybe it would have allowed me to appreciate those long hours stuck on the couch. Maybe I would have read more or watched a few movies. Maybe then I would have been able to appreciate Jones’ babyhood in the same way that I did eventually enjoy Shoo’s. Oh, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t tell my new mom self that Jones wouldn’t sleep through the night (by any definition) until after he was four or that at one month shy of 9 he’d still suck at sleeping. I’m not sure I could have handled knowing that piece of information LOL.
Is there a piece of wisdom you’d like to go back and tell your younger self? Do you think it would have helped you through a tough situation?
I love this post! It rings true for me in many ways.I was such a mess 10 years ago that I doubt I would have listened 😉 I would have definitely told myself to give in to many things as being just the way they are instead of trying to fight the inevitable.I think the biggest one would have been to step away from my family since they were such an upset in my life back then. Since being happily estranged from most of them I have been able to blossom as my own person.I really hope that I can gently help and guide my son's future wives in their new motherhoods. I don't think its fair to have learned so much and not pass it on. Although they may be like me and not listen and have to figure it out the hard way hahaha!
Love this post! I spent many months crying on the couch also and didn't have any inkling how awesome motherhood would be in just a few years. The first five were tough, but now it's glorious!
Great post. If I could go back, I would like to just tell myself to enjoy every moment of my life… the good and the bad. There's a reason for everything, and everything in the past got me to where I am today. Happiness all around!
I think I would tell my younger self to spend a little more "me" time. I got too wrapped up trying to be mom, wife, employee…forgot about me back then.
Very well put and honest..thanks for sharing.
so, usually i'm a lurker on your blog (love reading, just don't comment much), but this post has brought me out of hiding. as a mom-to-be-hopeful, it is so good to hear your reflections on the early stages of motherhood. i see so many of my friends struggling through the transition from independence to parenting, especially through the first years. to know that life does resume post children is so comforting. thank you for sharing this perspective!
Thanks for this. I am in the trenches with a 3 year old and a 5 month old. My husband and I tell each other almost every day that it will get easier, and that we will have some time to ourselves. It is good that we invested in our marriage early on, and can live off of the interest for a while.I would tell myself of three years ago that all of those things I thought were important aren't really that important. At the end of the day, everyone is reasonably clean, reasonably well-fed, and reasonably happy.
As a fellow member of the PPD club, I don't think anything I said would have helped me at that point. I wish, though, that I knew it was ok to not feel great afterward. I really had a hangup on being a "bad" mom, because it wasn't all love and sugar and roses and sunshine. I had figured it would be this amazingly perfect experience, and instead, it sucked. I just wish I had known it was ok to not experience sheer bliss. And now, they are ages 5, 3, and 2 – so, I have a feeling it will still keep getting better. Great post.
Thank you for this post. Your advice is wonderful for all new parents.My husband always tells me – "less time worrying, more time enjoying".
What a great post – thanks for sharing. You are a wise lady, but I think you already knew that ;)I had some dark moments in my teenage years that were marked by depression and an ugly eating disorder. If I could go back to myself then, I would tell myself it doesn't matter what the scale says, it doesn't matter what you look like. And that it's all a big waste of time. But I think it did make me the healthy person I am now – so I guess, like you, you have to take the bad to get to the good.Have a wonderful weekend – enjoy your miles 😉
Just now reading this, but I’m glad I did 🙂