Yesterday I managed to go out for a “run”. It was one of the few times when I felt like I was a jogger, not a runner. What’s the difference? It’s not speed. You can be a slow runner. It totally had to do with form and energy. I barely lifted my feet off the ground and my arms didn’t really participate in the run at all. I was glad I did it, but it wasn’t a real run for me and it did not have any of the benefits that I usually expect from a run. I didn’t feel energized from it, in fact, it just wore me out.
I realized last night how desperately in need of a real run I was. It had been a week since I last ran. A week of fighting the flu, not getting enough sleep, and generally just feeling crappy. When we went out to dinner, I’m not sure I said a single conversational to the boys or to Beer Geek. In fact, I think I said nothing except to correct the boys’ behavior. I could feel the “grey” hovering just outside my thoughts. It hit me – I needed a run and I needed one soon or I was going to continue the downward slide into depression. *
Thankfully, today was absolutely beautiful. Run in shorts and a t-shirt beautiful. I got in a very nice 4 miler (9:23, 9:47, 9:44, 9:09) before lunch. I’ve got a ways to go physically (I was pretty wiped out at the end of the run) and I’m not quite back in the game mentally (my temper is still pretty short), but I feel so much better. It’s amazing what a difference 40 minutes of endorphins make!
*When I suffered from postpartum depression, every day seemed like a grey day. In my mind, Jones’ first months were made up of grey, stay inside days. In pictures, it was a beautiful, sunny fall. When I start to slide into that mindset, I stop wanting to run. The more I need to run, the less I want to. Yesterday’s run was definitely a forced run and did not make me want to run more. I really needed a day like to day to remind me that I love running and to start pulling me back up to normal for me.